Water slide
As he slowly steps into the drop machine he feels his head beating out of his head each step he takes getting more intense.His he is telling him to just run away and leave the water park without going on the main thing that he has waited hours in the line just to go on this ride.
The reason I didn't finish this description was because the information of the writing we had to do was to do the few seconds this was happening and in this picture you can see there are no life guards or people so to make it more interesting I decided to add the people in my writing.
hi peyton I really like how you added action words to hook the reader in and claimed your tittle by action.
ReplyDeletenext time maybe you could make it more longer that would be really awesome.
this reminds me of my writing i'm focusing on it has a lot of amazing sentence starters to!
Hi Peyton, I like that you are beginning to use the show not tell strategy to describe the anxiety of your character. The line 'head beating out of his head' tells me that his mind is racing. I think you made a good choice adding characters to your description because it adds lots of interest. I think Dani's suggestion is great too, I am interested to see more descriptions:)
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